A lot of things happen in a year.
Yes. A lot of things change, too.
Maybe it’s May, and maybe right now this seems irrelevant. Maybe it’s never irrelevant.
One year ago, I was a year younger. I was in Paris. I had just returned from a whirlwind trip to Barcelona. By this point in my life I had been to the top of the Eiffel Tower, seen the Mona Lisa, eaten gelato in five different Italian cities, tasted real Spanish paella, drank Guinness in Dublin, went on a weekend trip to Germany all by myself, and changed my major to journalism. I was accomplishing a slew of amazing things as quickly as I possibly could— living the dream. I missed my family and friends terribly, but I never wanted to leave. I wanted to speak English, play with my dogs, order a pizza and go to a party with my friends. Even more so, I wanted to pretend to speak French, go window shopping in the Marais, eat baguettes and go out for a night in Paris. Paris Paris Paris.
My return from the city of lights is what triggered the biggest changes in my life. I didn’t really recognize any changes while I was studying abroad, the time was so limited and moved so quickly there was no time to care. Being re-emerged into what I know as “normalcy” is what really threw me off. I saw a lot of things differently. Some were superficial, such as the inferior quality of bread and the poor fashion choices of the average American. Others were a bit deeper. For the first time, I started to really evaluate the relationships I had with people and realize that some were toxic and others were worth developing further. I became genuinely confused because what I knew to be “true” before was conflicting with what I knew to be true now. What I wanted before was conflicting with what I wanted now. I was in strong denial and fought with myself, trying to cling back to what my life was like before I left. That was the mistake that started a reaction of other mistakes. This all threw me over the edge and I was very unhappy for a very long time.
Now, a whole year later…a lot of things happen in a year.
I learned a lot in a year. Most of these lessons seem cliché, but they are all true as true could possibly be.
1. It’s not where you are, but the people you are with. Ok, obviously I would love to argue that being in Paris is better than being anywhere else on Earth. Still, Paris would be empty if I were there totally alone. Amazing things cannot make up for amazing people. Recently I’ve become more and more homesick than I ever was before, and it’s not because I love my hometown. I hate my hometown more than any place I’ve ever had the fortune to live. Still, my family is there and I love them more than anything, and that makes it all worth it. I’ve also put so much more time in developing relationships with people who have been around me for years, and have gained so much from it. It’s sad to know that these people have been around me for so long and I never really got to know them well.
2. Everything doesn’t have to be so dramatic. People get so upset when things turn out differently than they expected or don’t go according to plan, myself included. Maybe things don’t go your way. Maybe that sucks. Actually, it probably really sucks, but just because you’re wishing something doesn’t make it true. Various time in the past year I’ve had to deal with people breaking down and crying because they are “ugly,” their boyfriend broke up with them, nobody likes them, or maybe they were just really drunk and mulling around every bad thing that’s ever happened to them. I am the type of person that tends to wallow in my grief, but I’m trying to stop that now. Crying feels good and sometimes it’s necessary, but you can’t control other people and what they think or do. You just can’t. It’s better to be strong, accept the differences or changes for what they are, and search for something else to hold onto or look forward to. So far, it’s worked for me.
3. It’s better to look back and say “Oh well” than “What if,” so just do what you want to. Obviously this advice does require some discretion. You shouldn’t miss your test because you wanted to sleep in or key someone’s car because they made you angry. If what you are doing is sacrificing your or anyone else’s well-being, I would recommend reconsidering. Within reason, you should just be yourself and do what makes you happy. We could all die tomorrow. Unlikely but possible. There are so many things I want to see and do, I wouldn’t want to take my last breath and realize I missed out.
4. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. As horrible as that song is, Kelly Clarkson got it right. I’ve been through a lot in the past year, and so has everybody else I’m sure. Everybody has hard times, it’s how you get through it that makes all the difference. I always remember the billboard that I saw in Milan that said “After all, no regrets.” I don’t regret any of my choices, good or bad, because each one has made me stronger in the end, even if I had to fall and pick myself back up.
5. Strive to be extraordinary. This is more of a goal than a lesson learned, but I will do everything in my power to ensure that I am not just ordinary. I don’t want to stay home and have babies and get married and be sad and broke and tired all of the time. I just don’t want to. I don’t want to work a job that I hate. I don’t want to get fat. I don’t want to drive an SUV and have conversations about what kind of cupcakes I’m making for my kids. I want to go to Latin America and study. I want to see the people and help them and immerse myself in the culture. I want to rent an apartment in downtown Chicago and eat at a different restaurant every week. I want to go back to Paris, and I want to visit other places for the first time. My mom always said “People in Hell want ice water,” BUT, as mentioned in a cheesy country song,
“If you’re going through Hell, keep on going.” Cliché overload, I know. Still, it’s so, so true. I’m not afraid of doing whatever it takes to get where I want to go. Bring it on world. I’m ready for another year.
